Cruel To Be Kind
by AerynSpeedleCaine
Summary: A ficlet on what Angel's thoughts might have been like just before giving Buffy the heartbreaking "Sewer Speech" in Season 3's "The Prom" episode.


**Disclaimer: **All the characters you both know and love belongs to Joss Whedon & Mutant Enemy, Fox Television... yadda yadda yadda. "Already Gone" is owned by Kelly Clarkson and whatever record company she is contractually obligated to... There! Satisfied?!?

**A/N: **This ficlet is inspired by the song "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. The damn little plot bunny **_would not_** leave me alone until I wrote it. Stupid plot bunnies!! It's on the angsty side of life. Written from Angel's viewpoint.

**Plot: **Angel's thoughts just before the heartbreaking "Sewer Speech" scene in the episode "The Prom" from season 3.

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**Cruel To Be Kind**

I knew this day was coming. From the moment we got back together- after my return from a demon dimension- I knew that one of us would have to go. It doesn't matter how much we love each other, it just isn't in the cards for us. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on us.

But they're right: the Mayor, Joyce, and that evil Watcher, Gwendolyn Post. They realized what Buffy and I have tried so hard to deny. No matter what we do, or how hard we fight for it, this love is doomed to fail.

She's the Slayer, and I'm a vampire. And deep down, our instincts are raging at us, whispering into our subconscious minds to kill. Then there's my curse...one moment of true happiness, and I become a sadistic bastard again.

I tried to take myself out in a blaze of glory with the sunrise on Christmas morning, but the Powers thwarted my efforts.

I wasn't lying when I told Buffy that the man in me has always been my Achilles' heel. That all I want is what I've always wanted: to lose myself in her warmth and light. Buffy doesn't understand how fine the line I walk is, and how much she makes my control slip, just by being around me.

It also doesn't help that Angelus is always whispering in the back of my mind, taunting me, telling me to drain the life out of Buffy. Truth be told, that I want to. Thoughts of turning her have crossed my mind more than I care to admit.

She's so young. Sometimes I forget how young she truly is. Even as we patrol the sewers for an escaped vampire, she is happily chattering on about the prom, oblivious to the anguish I'm going through.

And I'm reminded of Joyce's words to me. I have to be the one to make the hard choices, because Buffy won't. She can't. Not a second time. We can't go on pretending like this. And if I know my girl, she'll fight for us; because that's who she is, and that's what she does.

She fights for the things she believes in. Because she still believes that love conquers all. I have to end it, there is no other alternative. I have to be cruel to be kind.

My heart is already breaking. I think that being back in that demon dimension would be less painful than what I have to do.

_**Oh mo chroi! If you only knew how much this is killing me… how much I want for us to be able to continue with this charade of happily-ever-after and love conquers all… but we have to go our separate ways. It's for the best. Someday you'll see that. I love you so much, that I only want the world for you.**_

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**ALREADY GONE LYRICS:**

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high

It never would've worked out right

We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter

Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes this harder

But I know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter

Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone

You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone, already gone

There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter

Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone

You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone, already gone

There's no moving on so I'm already gone


End file.
